What you do when someone ruins your holiday?

Listen up, you inconsiderate waste of oxygen! Let me paint a picture of the absolute nightmare I had to endure last night, thanks to the brainless banshee next door. This full-grown toddler, masquerading as an adult woman, decided it was a fantastic idea to turn my walls into her personal drum set.

Congratu-fucking-lations, you miserable excuse for a neighbor! You’ve successfully torpedoed my Thanksgiving faster than a turkey in a deep fryer. I’ll be stumbling around like a sleep-deprived zombie, ready to snap at the slightest provocation, all because you couldn’t keep your knuckle-dragging impulses in check.

Do you have any idea how rarely I get to see my mom, you selfish prick? Of course not, because that would require you to think about someone other than yourself for five goddamn seconds. Well, thanks to your midnight wall-bashing extravaganza, this precious time with her is now royally screwed.

I hope karma bites you in the ass so hard you’ll need a cushion for the rest of your pathetic life. May you experience the same soul-crushing exhaustion and holiday-ruining misery you’ve so generously bestowed upon me. Sweet dreams, you thundering nuisance — if you can even sleep with all that racket bouncing around in your empty skull.